The spouse with ASD must develop as much insight as possible into the reality of this condition, recognize the impact it has on the marriage, and cooperate with his or her partner in developing relatedness and mutuality. Contact Us @ Pain Resource. Reading about Aspergers in a book or articles generally makes it seem that Aspergers is a clear cut, well defined and easily identifiable condition. They act immediately and have trouble waiting. It very well might be that some other condition is the real problem or, more likely, two or more conditions are overlapping. Because Aspergers is a condition that exists at or before birth, clues about the presence of Aspergers are found in the history of the persons childhood. I am a clinical psychologist in San Francisco with 30 years of experience evaluating and treating adults with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Persistent difficulty in communicating with, and relating to, other people. People with Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) avoid social relationships and prefer to spend time alone. Maxine Aston, author of Aspergers in Love, has created this workbook to help couples where one of the partners has Asperger Syndrome deal with the difficulties that may arise in their relationship. NT women especially tend to want their partners to understand them and their feelings. Clear evidence that these characteristics are not caused by low intelligence or broad, across-the-board delays in overall development. Building Understanding Between AS and NT Worlds. Most non-autistic males score 42 on average. (I think he's graduated by now). One wife described her husband as follows: Hes incapable of seeing another persons point of view. In contrast, adults with Aspergers have more specific preferences about the kind of sensations they like and dislike. Autism and Asperger's are the same thing and should be considered synonyms. (Willey 2001. p. 164), Assessment of Autism Spectrum Disorder in Adults, Therapy for Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder Blog, News & Videos, Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder and Relationships, Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder Psychologist, Assessment of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder, All Articles About Living with Autism Spectrum Disorder, All Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder Resources, How People With Autism Spectrum Disorder Think Part II, Four Essential Ingredients For A Successful Autism Spectrum Disorder Relationship, Outer Frames: Women, Autism and Sensitivity. An acceptable explanation to other people about the persons behavior is now available leading to the possibility of reconciliation with people who have had problems with the persons behavior. Required fields are marked *. Here is a description of the psychiatric conditions most frequently associated with Aspergers: People with ADHD typically have difficulty paying attention to whats going on around them, they are easily distracted, they tend to do things without thinking about the results, they are often forgetful, have trouble finishing what they intended to do, are disorganized, jump from one activity to another, are restless and have poor social skills. In addition, Social Anxiety Disorder may be present in children but more commonly it develops in adolescence and adulthood whereas Aspergers can be traced back to infancy. Most importantly, Aspergers is a form of autism whereas people with SPD have a neurotypical brain and have developed into a personality of extreme introversion and emotional detachment. The person may be able to identify basic emotions, such as intense anger, sadness or happiness yet lack an understanding of more subtle expressions of emotions such as confusion, jealousy or worry. Are there disadvantages to a diagnosis of Aspergers? Often this gives others the impression that they lack emotion. To diagnosis and adult with Aspergers requires that the person have: What happens if someone has some of these difficulties but not all? They tend to react passively to difficult circumstances, as if they are directionless and are drifting along in life. When they are down, they feel sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and inappropriately guilty. It very well might be that some other condition is the real problem or, more likely, two or more conditions are overlapping. I find it difficult to imagine what it would be like to be someone else. I have had many cases where I was able to conclude with confidence whether the person had Aspergers without seeing one single piece of written evidence about that persons past. Sitting down and talking to someone makes the difference between an assessment of Aspergers that has a high degree of confidence and one that is questionable. Both need to shift from focusing on what isnt working to the values and strengths the other spouse brings to the marriage. . Click and Collect from your local Waterstones or get FREE UK delivery on orders over 25. It's so beautiful, so wonderful, it takes your breath away. Wow, this rings a lot of bells. One highly important source are any documents, including reports, evaluations, notices, or assessments, that speak to the persons social, emotional, language, and physical growth. Again, screening questionnaires are designed to identify potential cases of Aspergers syndrome but they are not a substitute for a thorough diagnostic assessment. A noticeable characteristic of someone with SPD is their difficulty expressing anger, even when they are directly provoked. I feel an unbearable loneliness, which I dont believe I deserve. One highly important source are any documents, including reports, evaluations, notices, or assessments, that speak to the persons social, emotional, language, and physical growth. They often dont come up while sitting in an office speaking to a professional and because the person is not aware of their presence its unlikely that person would volunteer how hard it is to understand them. People with ADHD will do things without considering the outcome of their actions. If your answer is Yes to any of these questions, this book is for you. Here are the characteristics of Asperger's most apparent in my husband: lack of eye contact; preference for routine; struggle with social interactions; literal understanding of words; hyperfocus on one idea, sometimes obsessively; exceptional verbal ability, especially vocabulary. Contents 1 Claims against autistic people This is an excellent overview for both the clinical reader and for parents. In the workplace and in educational settings, a diagnosis of Aspergers can provide access to helpful resources and support that might otherwise not have been available. Hes unable to make obvious inferences in a conversation, instead insisting that others are not being clear. Aston, M. (2009). Research has shown growing evidence for a connection between Aspergers and ADHD. Is Silicon Valley a Breeding Ground for Autism Spectrum Disorder? Still others silently pray or say phrases to reduce anxiety or prevent a dreaded future event while others will put objects in a certain order or arrange things perfects in order to reduce discomfort. There are a couple of resources I want to share with you, so that you and/or your partner can gain better understanding for each other's world. Employers are more likely to understand the ability and needs of an employee should that employee make the diagnosis known. But in practice it is complicated and necessities a professional who understands thoroughly not just the characteristics of Aspergers but how they are played out in real life. (Willey 2001. p. 164), Assessment of Autism Spectrum Disorder in Adults, Therapy for Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder Blog, News & Videos, Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder and Relationships, Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder Psychologist, Assessment of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder, All Articles About Living with Autism Spectrum Disorder, All Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder Resources. While this may strike some as similar to Aspergers people with SPD can interact with others normally, if they want to, and can get along with people. While this may strike some as similar to Aspergers people with SPD can interact with others normally, if they want to, and can get along with people. Aspergers (also referred to as high-functioning autism or ASD level 1) is a subtle, almost paradoxical, disorder that seems to adversely affect men slightly more than women. Cassandra and the Aspie: Marriage and Asperger's Syndrome. The term emanates from Greek mythology. So Tim Burton - director of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Night Before Christmas and other fantastical movies - might have Asperger's Syndrome.If Crippled Monkey were horribly cynical . They have a very restricted range of emotions, especially when communicating with others and appear to lack a desire for intimacy. Job discrimination is a realistic possibility in the event that an applicant reveals an Aspergers diagnosis. I will answer the question of how accurate a diagnosis is, the confidence one can have in a diagnosis of Aspergers and I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a diagnosis. In the workplace and in educational settings, a diagnosis of Aspergers can provide access to helpful resources and support that might otherwise not have been available. Executive Functioning in Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Living With The Stigma Of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder, Advantages And Disadvantages Of An Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis In Adulthood. Lonely, hurt, angry, sad, misunderstood, isolated, desperate. They frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical and contemptuous of the feelings, rights and suffering of others. Community. They tend to be irritable and aggressive and to get into physical fights or commit acts of physical assault (including spousal or child beating). Others repeat behaviors or say names or phrases over and over hoping to guard against some unknown harm. Are You Considering Medication Therapy For Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder? Difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication and subtle aspects of how people relate to each other is characteristic of adults with Aspergers. I was particularly appreciative of the compassion that Dr. Roberson shows for the patient with this disorder., This would be a good first book for someone who wants to learn more about Aspergers Syndrome (AS). I find it easy to read between the lines when someone is talking to me. I will answer the question of how accurate a diagnosis is, the confidence one can have in a diagnosis of Aspergers and I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a diagnosis. The Hollywood feeding frenzy was too much to handle, and they divorced. Granted, they dont live with him, yet how is it possible that the man she married and lives with appears so completely different from the man other people know? They may hear a difference of opinion, or an attempt to explain a different perspecitve about a situation, as conflict or a criticism of who they are. You don't get to choose the incidents that you experience (for the most part), but you do get to choose how you process those incidents. Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) - Eva A. Mendes 2015-07-21 Proven counseling strategies that will help improve the relationships of Cassandra syndrome is when the NT spouse knows something is different about their spouse and their relationship - but no one believes her (it's usually a NT wife) that her relationship is unlike other relationships - including therapists, who may try techniques that may work in a NT-NT marriage but are not effective in a AP-NT marriage - so she . An example of this is difficulty noticing whether people are bored or not listening in conversations. Often, people tell me when we meet to discuss an Aspergers evaluation that the symptoms of Aspergers they have seen, usually online, match what they notice in themselves. They readily understand when a statement such as, its raining cats and dogs is being used as a figure of speak and not as a literal statement. Relying on a spouses or friends report about how someone recognizes emotions is not always advisable since those reports are filtered through the spouse or friends own biases and their own ways of understanding emotions. Common symptoms of Asperger's that may impact social interaction or communication include: Problems making or maintaining friendships Isolation or minimal interaction in social situations Poor. Superficial social contact, niceties, passing time with others are of little interest. Examples of these are insisting on inflexible routines, eating the same foods daily, brushing teeth the same way, following the same route every day, repeatedly rejecting changes in ones life style, being either very reactive or hardly reactive at all to changes in ones environment like indifference to temperature changes, hypersensitivity to sounds, fascination with lights or movement. It is difficult for me to understand how other people are feeling when we are talking. When I assess someone for Aspergers I ask to meet face-to-face for three meetings. Superficial social contact, niceties, passing time with others are of little interest. | Dr. Kenneth Roberson is an Adult Autism Psychologist in San Francisco with over 30 years of experience. When they do communicate their feelings they are often out of synch with the situation that generated the feeling. Diagnosing Aspergers is a fairly easy process in principle. Adults with ADHD tend to express their feelings directly and fairly clearly whereas adults with Aspergers do not show a wide range of emotions. With husband and wife working hard, the marriage may be salvageable. Persons with AS/ASD are good at masking their disability by role playing and copying other's behavior. The Cassandra Phenomenon In the early 2000's, the term Cassandra Phenomenon, sometimes referred to as the Cassandra syndrome, was coined to describe a group of symptoms that often occur in individuals who live with or know adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Other reactions include persistent feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety, insomnia, isolation, and anger. Other professionals may take different steps but I have a clear-cut procedure that I go through when asked to assess Aspergers. Some people spend hours washing themselves or cleaning their surroundings in order to reduce their fear that germs, dirt or chemicals will infect them. For both NT's and AS's, try to listen to one another in a non-defensive way. Do you have questions youd like to ask an expert in adult Autism? Disclosing Your Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis: Important Considerations. The public and professionals are becoming more aware of the impact of Aspergers on families. A person is diagnosed based on the signs and symptoms he or she has rather than the results of a specific laboratory or other type of test. They dont conform to social norms with respect to lawful behavior, such as destroying property, stealing, harassing others, and cheating. Your email address will not be published. In this case, it is more accurate to say the person has co-existing conditions rather than it being a straightforward matter of Aspergers. Signs of abuse that may lead to symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome include: 1. The person is afraid that he or she will make mistakes, look bad and be embarrassed or humiliated in front of others. The person filling out the questionnaire may be responding to the questions with the intention, conscious or not, of demonstrating that they dont have, or for that matter they do have, Aspergers. With this in mind, what is the actual process of finding out whether someone has Aspergers? Hence a thorough understanding of early social, emotional, family, academic and behavioral experiences are essential to the diagnostic process. They may talk a lot and have more one-sided conversations as do adults with ADHD but they do so because lacking an understanding of how the person they are talking to is grasping what they are saying they are, in effect, talking to themselves. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? There is a similar difference with respect to impulsivity. The characteristics of Aspergers must be noticeable in infancy or early childhood to receive the diagnosis of Aspergers. Specialties: Stress, Anxiety, Addictions, Self esteem, Career difficulties, Compassion fatigue, Relationship issues, Family conflicts, Trauma and abuse, Grief, Intimacy-related issues, Eating disorders, Sleeping disorders, Anger management, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Coping with life changes, ADHD I am a Licensed Clinical Therapist in Florida with over 5 years of experience working as a . An example is previous medical reports documenting signs of early language delays and/or peculiarities, coordination problems, behavioral difficulties or unusual physical problems. The neurotypical spouse must shift from seeking emotional connectedness primarily from the ASD spouse toward other sources of intimacy and understanding. Some couples have been married for years before they come across a possible Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) aka Asperger's (AS). Both partners must make a serious commitment to making the marriage work. If, on the other hand, the person engages in limited back-and-forth communication, attempts to make friends in odd and typically unsuccessful ways, and is not especially interested in reaching out to others, a diagnosis of Aspergers could be considered but not assured. Here is a description of the psychiatric conditions most frequently associated with Aspergers: People with ADHD typically have difficulty paying attention to whats going on around them, they are easily distracted, they tend to do things without thinking about the results, they are often forgetful, have trouble finishing what they intended to do, are disorganized, jump from one activity to another, are restless and have poor social skills. I am also married to a man with Asperger's Syndrome (AS). Difficulty developing, maintaining and understanding relationships. Gleaned from my years of working with ASD couples, here are the essential steps to make that success a reality. Both partners need to be willing to learn and change their behaviors. A diagnosis is most assured when the signs of Aspergers are present in the person all the time, they have an obvious effect on the persons ability to be successful in life, and dont vary much. Search Works. After promising to be his lover in return, Cassandra later went back on her promise, and the enraged Apollo cast a curse on her that while she could see the future accurately no one would believe her prophecies. Tutoring reports, evaluations of group activities, personal diaries, family recordings and other such records often provide valuable insights about the likelihood of Aspergers. They may be overly sensitive to one kind of sensation and avoid that persistently. It is hard to make a neurotypical-Aspergian (NT-AS) relationship work. It is all a matter of confidence, that is, with very few exceptions no one can say that someone else has Aspergers only that one has a certain degree of certainty that a person does have Aspergers. These descriptions include rigidity, misinterpretation of intentions, difficulty anticipating or appreciating the non-ASD partners feelings, emotional inaccessibility, trouble empathizing, and an inability to engage appropriately in social situations. It is pointless to blame the other person. Asperger's syndrome is a complex developmental disorder in which the normal (NT) spouse's situation is difficult to grasp for others. This can reach a point where social situations are avoided completely. However, the individual with NT is going to have to understand that it will feel to them that they are the party making more accomodations. Brain scans, blood tests, X-rays and other physical examinations cannot tell whether anyone has Aspergers. They can consider what other people are thinking much easier than adults with Aspergers and they participate in the give-and-take of social interactions more readily. Just as often other people, in researching Aspergers symptoms, believe the person coming to see me has those very characteristics and therefore must have Aspergers. Business, Economics, and Finance. In addition, whereas Aspergers occurs early in the persons life, OCD develops later in life. This group is dedicated to supporting women who are (or have been) with partners who either have Asperger's Syndrome or who you strongly believe have Asperger's Syndrome, and who feel they themselves. All too often, spouses and partners of adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder are met with puzzled looks, bewilderment, or even skepticism when describing their relationships.