Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? I know what to look for. It bends a little to the left. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Your email address will not be published. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? "Hockey is a sport for white men. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Boo who? O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. After 18 holes I can barely walk. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Check it out now! Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! The battle that raged inside each players head. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Basketball is a sport for black men. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. About 160 yards was his reply. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. The Dalai Lama himself. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Whos there? Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Wash your balls. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Damn, girl. There are no absolutes in golf. putt." 4. Don't dirt your soul. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Sir W.G. In the Golf of Mexico! Do you share these funny golf jokes? Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. At the golf corpse! Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. What do you call a lion playing golf? I stepped on a rake.". All the fans are gone! Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Eight. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. You swing left and the ball goes right. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. I've got some good news. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. I stepped on a rake. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Why do golfers hate cake? Keep your sense of humor. I was actually enjoying it. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because you got me soaking wet. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? I like big putts and I cannot lie. 8. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. What do golf and sex share in common? Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Two, be your own person. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Golf is more complicated than that. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. You look like someone who likes to swing. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Clubbing. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. They have been there where we are standing now. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? If you break 80, watch your business.". Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. The most important shot in golf is the next one. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Sawdust City LLC. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. A great shot is when you pull it off. Roarin' Mcllroy I play Bass. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. 1. ~ Victor Hugo. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Their expectation, however, is very different. When your golf cart capsizes. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Why are golf and sex so similar? "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Why don't golfers ever eat pie? A hole in one of a kind model. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Fantastic 4-some. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. 5. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. 1. This post may contain affiliate links. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. the flag cant jump. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Nuts! As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. You hit down to make the ball go up. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Id cry too if I played golf like you. I`m really worried about myself. How do you know you should be a golfer? Because all the other four letter words were taken. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? clubs. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Clubbing. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Learn More. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. Tiagra. Oh my God, what have I just said?". Your email address will not be published. Or under. See you in the Email! Why dont skeletons play golf? H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today.
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