Is it dumb to end things right before we have the chance to be together? Inclusive would be to treat her simply as good company, complete unto herself. That's what i used to find other members of my birth fathers family. I am adopted, should I find my birth parents even though they were teenagers when I was born? Can I adopt him? Forty-five years of habit, plus new habits formed in 12 years of being together, do NOT change overnight, no matter what. Join Yahoo Answers and get 100 points today. I kinda keep in touch with my birth father's sister. Grandiosity & Superiority. Sophie recounts meeting an … Also when your mom does not remember your dad it is best to not push reality and let go and go where your mom is. Nobody could ever replace my mother. The main character, Sophie, is the narrator; she writes about love, boys, friends, and family. When you will find them talk to them that your mother get pregnant to you when she was in relationship with them and then do a test DNA. My mother says she will not tell me who my father is and will take the secret to the grave with her. I've never cheated but find my eyes wandering. "You know, it really bothers your father that his daughter doesn't talk to him." he abandoned me and my mom when I was very young. My so called real father doesnt know we exist, so i really have nothing to work off of, i wanted find out who he is. It took my mother and step father years to tell me about them and even then he was just your father. But I can tell you you might be able to use sites like ancestory.com to find your birth family. Are any of these good enough to justify secrecy? Many narcissistic parents have a falsely inflated self-image, with a … My friend's parents have passed away. I found my birth mother several months ago but have not met her yet. I feel like I can't fairly allow her to move, but wonder if finally living near each other would allow our relationship to grow. My problem: I'm just not sure I love her. Once you figure out triggers work around the triggers and try to avoid or engage differently to ensure a better outcome. You don't make someone move to find out whether you still like her. What a sluddy mom. Ask her what race he was. Tell her you don't care about the mistakes of the past but you want to know about him to feel complete. You can try being honest with your mother if/when you find her and asking her about him. We invited her to a family vacation, but now she's talking about not going because she's the only one who is single. The book is written in verse, from the same point of view the entire time. Hind site, I wish I never put who the birth father was to my daughter, he has only caused her pain. If she promised him she would take the secret of his identity to her grave. This only started a couple months ago and at first when we told her the truth she seemed to believe us. Wow. Maybe God will show me in time or maybe not at all. My mom tells me that my real father came in at a party and we were created, so my mom dosent even know who he is, My twin and i were made on mistake almost. However, it sounds as if it might ease your (thoroughly justified) anguish to try on the idea that your mother has her reasons -- and that even if they aren't good enough in your eyes, they're good enough in hers or she wouldn't do this to you. It is two years since he died and she has been in assisted living for the past year. If u have any idea or guess any person then you can detect the DNA of that person and be sure. To that end, you can -- all of you couples -- shake up the groupings so that it isn't couple-plus-stepdaughter going to the store, couple-plus-stepdaughter going for a walk, etc. We have always had a strained relationship. If she thinks at that moment that your dad is a stranger than it is best for your dad to engage her as a "stranger." They might have some answers for you. I was adopted and never met my real mum before but I am going to look for her, she has no idea who my real dad is (so she says) but we believe it was a one night stand because she was in a marriage at the time and fell pregnant with me. I'm sorry I have no idea what to suggest to help you find your dad, given the dearth of information you have - but good luck with finding them both. ? We have plans for her to move to my town into an apartment. Does the practice of genealogy suggest that adoptive relationships are lesser? I don't believe any one approach works for everyone, especially not "(virtually overnight)! I’m pregnent and asked my mom about adoption, she said baby is 50% mines. Wow, I'm sorry you had to deal with that total troll. But, if that is true, it will be almost impossible to find your father. My mother says she will not tell me who my father is and will take the secret to the grave with her. My friend never knew who her biological father was until she did Ancestry DNA without her mom’s consent. But can they really change, and is it really as simple as just speaking to them in the language "that makes them feel valued?". She would really like to be in a relationship. I enjoy our time together, but I don't feel deeply attracted or passionate toward her. Apparently I knew her as a child but I had no idea she was related to me. ? I was adopted and never met my real mum before but I am going to look for her, she has no idea who my real dad is (so she says) but we believe it was a one night stand because she was in a marriage at the time and fell pregnant with me. LB K.J. I didn't have many memories of him. “There was a lot of pathos because my grandmother never knew the truth about who she really was, and [the man she thought was her father] was very important to everyone. How do I know for sure its my baby? Mom, you don't even ask me how I am doing or how I feel about a situation. Even if you ultimately don't accept that, then at least you'll be able to say so directly to your mother as the calm result of careful thought, with the goal of making peace with it somehow -- versus lash out at her in hopes of forcing the answer out of her. You can try to access your birth certificate like I did and start from there. Analysis: Could Richard Sherman return to the Seattle Seahawks in 2021? Is there ever any good reason for not telling someone who their father is? 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It's actually much more likely that she knows exactly who he is, but said she didn't so that she either didn't have to get his permission to abandon you, or because she didn't want him to know that she had you (for whatever reason she thought was important at the time). When I think of a hero, I imagine someone strong and fearless, someone who works hard and doesn’t give up easily. She is the most humble, loving, and caring person I know and for that reason she is my hero. I want to know its 100% mine. She met him (she was a child of a a short affair). And you can mix up your vacations. You just don't. "I also don't believe in blowing off a different approach without even trying it because you've already figured out every reason it shouldn't work. She didn't want me to know who my dad is my mum thinks and so she kept saying that she doesn't know who he is if she doesn't know who he is, is their a way I can find him? Good luck with your search. Penguin82. If he's a sperm donor and she thinks there's something wrong with admitting that. She didn't want me to know who my dad is my mum thinks and so she kept saying that she doesn't know who he is if she doesn't know … But, she says she doesn't like being around family because everyone is paired off. It has been translated into French, German, Indonesian and Swedish, and published as an audiobook read by Kate Reinders Photo? If you can help thank you. Also the friends that she had when she became pregnant. To suggest counseling at this point would only isolate her more, don't you think? Then just go from there....Hope I helped!!! You should probably ask the older members of your mother's family to see what they know about it. Inform her of your doubts, so she can do whatever she needs to take care of herself. It is hard to believe your mother doesn't know who it is. Ask your mother with who guys had she got relationship when she get pregnant to you and ask her where they live or something about them to find them. She told me that my birth father is between two men and she says she only remembers their first names. May 4, 2012 . what do u mean like mother like daughter? You can sign in to vote the answer. Your birth mom knows she just doesn't want to put his name on there for a good reason Im sure. Besides being a show of good faith to your stepdaughter, these efforts to break out of coupley lockstep can strengthen other bonds within the family -- not to mention serve as an important lesson to kids that solo isn't a sentence; it's just one of many ways to fly.Dear Carolyn: Do you believe in "The Five Love Languages"? Usually your mother and father's names are both on it. 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In that moment when I heard my father’s voice — and then later, when I read a Facebook post my mother wrote about how she doesn’t even know who I am anymore, I couldn’t help but feel displaced — even if I have long been displaced from that dream mother-daughter relationship, without the support I always wanted from her. Still have questions? What would you do in this medical scenario ? If revealing his name would reveal something embarrassing about her or her past choices or the circumstances of your birth. -- D. Get your answers by asking now. I've had a few friends recommend this book, but besides being a bit overly proselytizing, it also seems simplistic. If he committed crimes so heinous that she fears they would change the way you see yourself. But there is a chance that his name might not be there or that your mother put someone else's name there. Someone who can guide you and protect you; my mother has all of those qualities. I've never had a need to search for him but i remember finding his name on my birth certificate. My husband and I definitely think about and approach things differently. Hi I am turning seventeen and i would love to adopt a child? If he was and is still married to her sister, cousin, best friend. He was a nice moral man, but it near completely destroyed his relationship with his wife. Other than suggesting counseling (which she has done in the past), is there anything we can do to make her feel more included? What My Mother Doesn't Know (What My Mother Doesn't Know #1) and What My Girlfriend Doesn't Know (What My Mother Doesn't Know, #2) My mother, who cheated on my father and doesn’t know I know The letter you always wanted to write ‘You will never understand how damaging it was for a child to hear her father sobbing at night. Adopting a child in protective custody. Q. I am 63 and my Mom is 83. My mother also believes that my father is still alive. I ended up naming him X because my mother never told me his name. Like mother like daughter? She never wanted a child and has told me she doesn't like me and that I look just like my father… Sonya Sones' What My Mother Doesn’t Know is an adolescent novel written entirely in poetry from the perspective of ninth-grader Sophie Stein. Find your real mom and ask her what bar she found this random dude at. She has a picture of one of the men. Because both of your parents are unknown it might be hard. Ignore the troll, they're not worth getting upset over. I just feel so lost and I don't know who I am I just know what my mum looks like but I would really like to know what my dad looks like and what race he might be and all those kind of stuff please people don't be mean to me and show consideration because this means a lot to me right now. Instead, a husband from Couple A, wife from Couple B and stepdaughter go for a walk. Is there ever any good reason for not telling someone who their father is? A parent who doesn't respect you won't hold back on what they have to say when you aren't around, even to people close to you. "What My Mother Doesn't Know" is a very good and intriguing quick read. And you can encourage her to bring a friend with her, because you all do. What My Mother Doesn't Know (2001) is a novel in verse by Sonya Sones.The free-verse novel follows ninth-grader Sophie Stein as she struggles through the daily grind of being a freshman in high school, her romantic crushes, and her family life. You know what bothers me? That I can't say, because that depends on you, your mom and the secret. Or what race she thinks he was. "Do X and it'll change your marriage (virtually overnight)!" Rather than quizzing someone's memory, she recommends introducing yourself with something like, "I'm John, your son" and other relatives by saying, "Here's my wife, Jane." This doesn't guarantee you the truth you've been aching for -- not even close -- but it is the path to understanding each other, which is how you and your mom can avoid losing each other as you both try to find what you need.Dear Carolyn: My stepdaughter is in her 40s, never married, no kids. Companionship vs. companions. I hope you find them both. -my mother on our most recent phone call [Rant/Vent] Yeah, you know, I don't really care if it bothers him. I the adult who adopt a adult person can I un adopt if so how I had a similar issue with my birth father. Now she doesn't believe us … Share; Pe. Especially when all you'd be trying out is thinking before you speak out of respect for the person you married.Hi, Carolyn: I'm in my late 20s and I've been with my girlfriend for five years, long-distance. 'My father doesn't know I exist - but I want him to walk me down the aisle next year' ... "Even though my mother is remarried, she was never proposed to, she just got married. 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